In Regards to Prop-8

"So I'm following the Prop-8 trial on twitter."

"Why?"

"... Because I'm interested?"

"Why? You're straight, right? It won't affect you personally in any way."

"Um..."

"Anyways, don't you even consider the sanctity of marriage?"

I hear this - or some variation on this theme - fairly often, whether it's in response to California's Prop-8 or similar legislation or in response to a comment I've made about GLBT rights, or what have you. And I have to tell you, it upsets me every time.

Why? Well, let's put aside for the moment the fact that I have several GLBT friends, whose happiness affects me. Personally. In every way. Let's pretend, just for a moment, that I live under a rock and do not know a single person of any sexual orientation other than heterosexual. That way, I can't possibly be "swayed" by my acquaintances and friends.

Now we're left with the crux of the issue - whether same sex couples should be offered the same legal rights and privileges as opposite sex couples. Here, still, I would give a resounding yes. Putting aside what I touched on in my previous entry (I Do Not Believe in Gay Marriage), I'll look at the "sanctity" of marriage. My parents have been married for 35 years this coming March. My sister has been married for 13 years this past November. I have friends and family members who have been divorced - once or multiple times - and friends and family members who have remained married for decades - or, truly, until death did they part.

I have seen both sides of the coin. Don't talk to me about the sanctity of marriage and how allowing homosexual couples to wed would ruin it for everyone. Marriage is a contract - a legal, binding contract. If you are religious, it is not only a legal contract but a spiritual one. Forget the flowers and the gowns, the invites and the speeches - marriage is about loyalty, love, and friendship. It is about devoting your life to another person - and they to you. Do I think marriage is sacred? Absolutely. Because it is a bond meant to last beyond this world. I do not think it is sacred because a text - religious or otherwise - states it is. I do not think it is sacred because I am told to think it's sacred. I think it's sacred because two people are promising to love and cherish one another no matter what comes. Genitalia of the persons involved, I'm sorry, does not enter into it for me.

Anyone - anyone - who has the gall to bring up the sanctity of marriage as an argument against allowing same sex couples to wed, in this day and age, when our figureheads are flaunting their affairs, and some are using marriage and subsequent divorce as a "get rich quick" scheme needs to have their head examined. I do not view divorce as a terrible thing - sometimes people really do fall out of love. Things change. What I take issue with are those who see divorce as a natural progression from marriage. Dating. Engaged. Married. Divorced. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

We don't blink when a politician, or celebrity, or business mogul, or friend, or family member announces the dissolution of their marriage. Daily, reports of so-and-so's rampant affairs greet us from every section of the newspaper - sports, entertainment, business, local and world news. We get the e-mails and the hastily-thrown-together flash games. We laugh, we shake our heads, we tut-tut.

We do not mourn the public mockery being made of a sacred institution.

Sanctity can not be imposed upon a union. The persons involved need to treat their union with honour and respect - this is the only way to judge the sacredness of a marriage.

Between a "traditional" opposite sex couple who have no love or respect between them and a "non-traditional" same sex couple who are entirely devoted to one another, which has the more sacred marriage? Which is upholding the vows and the legal and/or spiritual requirements better?

True, a homosexual couple may terminate the marriage. True, there may be no lower a percentage of divorces in the homosexual community than in the heterosexual community. People - gay, straight, or otherwise - will make mistakes. It's one of those amusing little quirks of being human. We err. But to hold marriage on a pedestal just out of reach for someone who so heartily aches for it, and then to treat it as a "trial and error" way to pass the time for someone else is not only wrong, it is inhumane.

It is, legally, alright for me to fail and fail again, over and over, because I am a woman who loves men. But you, you women who love women and men who love men, you're not even allowed to try.

This double standard and complete disregard of the basic rights of every human being - to love and be loved in return - affects me very personally, thank you very much. When people throw around the word "sanctity" as a synonym for "elitism" it gets my back up.

Love me or loathe me, this is my opinion. And I will continue to state this opinion any time someone asks me why I support GLBT rights when I am not a member of the community.